Feeling down

I’m sorry that I didn’t post what I promised. I don’t have time and when I arrive home I’m exhausted from work. Now I have to add depression again, and this is why I’m writting this post.

I really need to write how I’m feeling cause I don’t want to bother the people I love with my stupid problems.  Some time ago I suffered this kind of feelings too, and I though that finally I had got over it but it seems no. I’m a very insecure person who doesn’t believe that people can love somebody like me; when I try to meet new people I have always this feeling and the impression that the others think I’m too weird, boring and mean person.

Moreover, when it happens that I meet lots of people (I’m talking about groups of 30 people where I just know 5 people maximum and that are not very close friends) I start feeling very nervous and sad, having stomachache and a great need to just leave the place and have fresh air. When I’m back home I usually feel really sad cause I try very hard to enjoy those moments instead of leting my feelings take control over me but it seems to not work.

Last night I had Christmas dinner with people from work and I went there to enjoy a night out. In the begining I was happy to be there with some of the people that I know. I’m taking a medical treatment which doesn’t allow me to drink alcohol since the pills are very strong for the leaver so I could just drink water. People began to drink a lot til levels that it was only 1 am and almost everybody was very drunk, and after dinner they went to a place t continue drinking. That was the point when I felt weird and sad, I ate very little and the little I ate gave me a stomachache. So I left and came back home. When I got home I fel t so bad and sad that I began to cry uncontrolably. And this morning when I woke up I continued. I’ve spent all the morning in bed with the lights out, I didn’t feel like doing nothing (and I still don’t want to).

My boyfriend is on a journey that the enterprise he works for has paid to their employees as the Christmas dinner. I’m so jealous and worried cause I don’t like when they do that. I don’t really trust in people when they drink alcohol and not being there worries me a lot. I fear that he meets someone else who is much better and cool than me, or that he will flirt with other girls. I feel nervous and sad cause I don’t know how to trust people I love. I always think that people is deceiving me and they keep going out with me without knowing it. I don’t know how to explain it in english. But it makes me feel very sad. I really hate Christmas because all of this things.

I hate society in general when they act like this and I hate alcohol. I don’t trust in people when they’re drunk cause they don’t know what they are doing.

Sometimes I would like to disappear and haven’t been born cause I don’t have enough strengh to stand all this.


What happened??

Just wanted to add a very short update. It’s been a long time since I last wrote and that’s because I’ve been very busy at work (lots of things to do) so when I arrived home I din’t really have time nor energy to come and leave a post.

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I went on holiday this August so I will probably publish some stuff related to that with wonderful photos.

See you soon!!

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Who are we? A short question but a difficult one too. A question we all have thought about at least once in our lives, and one that has no right answer.

Young as you may be (or not that young). All your life ahead, you feel powerful, strong; you want to make great things in life and suddenly you find yourself on a dead point, questioning what to do with your life. Not knowing what you desire anymore, feeling disappointed with life. Your dreams seem so far from you while watching others dreams become true. Stop thinking they’re lucky, that life depends on luck.

Everyone of us can make their dreams come true, the only thing you need to is love, passion and hard work. In time you’ll find the way to it. It won’t be easy of course, you’ll have ups and downs; but let me tell you something: enjoy the way. Cry if you need to, laugh, be silent, think, don’t think… Feel every moment, taste those feelings and keep them in your memory.

Being the way you are you’ll get to know some amazing people, you’ll find your own place and most important of it: you’ll get to know yourself, who you really are, so that one day you’ll make the same question and know the answer.

Who do you really wanna be? Where do you see yourself in the future? Think of it, take the answer and make it real. Fight for your dreams, work hard and enjoy all the way through it.

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What if your future was the past?

Long time since my last post. Lots of things have happened and so I didn´t have time to write. But here I am again and today I want to share with you a little review of a book saga (and it’s TV show): Outlander. I read the first book last year after having discovered the TV show based on these novels. The first season (and first book) tells the story of Claire, a nurse from the Second World War who travels through time to the age of the second scottish uprising against the english.
Resultado de imagen de outlanderWhile she tries to go back to her own time with her husband Frank, she meets young Jamie, a gallant Scott who has suffered the cruelty of the english wagons on his own flesh. Along the story, they´ll have to face numerous adventures, sorrow, loss, passion and love. In this book you will discover how powerful love can be, and learn that fairy tails don’t exist; what’s real for sure is that in life and love there are a lot of beautiful moments but pain and sacrifice as well. You’ll fall in love with the story but with the characters as well. The writter Diana Gabaldon carries you into a journey which will make you forget everything that surrounds you and teach us a piece of real Scottland’s History. She makes us dream about the green landscapes and fresh air.
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A few days ago I finished reading the second book: Dragonfly in Amber. The story continues, now Jamie and Claire are in France trying to change the future. They’ll make great efforts to stop the bonnie Prince Charles from restoring the Stuarts on the english throne. In real life, this uprising finished with the scottish troops slaughtered in the final battle of Culloden; it was a bloody hell wich meant the end of the scottish clans and its way of life. Claire and Jamie want to avoid this from happening. Will they succeed? If you want to know then you’ll have to read the book or watch the TV show…
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One thing I can tell you for sure: in the end you will feel their pain as if it was yours. This is quite a moving story, with unforgettable characters and moments which will keep you on your toes.


To finish with, I recommend you to watch the TV show. Its actors are so tallented and the music will get you into the story (just as if you were living among them). Sam Heughan plays Jamie and Caitriona Balfe is Claire in the fiction. From the first episode you can feel the chemistry between both of them, something essential to build a great serie/film. Everybody love their characters and them, but I must say that Dougal Mackenzie (played by Graham McTavish, who gave life to Dwalin on the films of The Hobbit) is a character I’m very fond of. He represents the pure scottish personality. A brave rebel who loves the country where he was born and who will do whatever he can to restore the Stuarts. I know he is very stubborn and should think more of the consequences rather than be lead by his feelings but maybe that’s why people love him. He is a fierce Scott.

There are a lot more things I could tell you about the book and the serie but you would get bored of reading so if you liked this review please read the books and/or watch the TV show. I love sharing my thoughts with you, leave a like and comment anything you want to tell me. See you on my next post!

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Stranger Things

Finally I’m back! The 2 past weeks have been a little crazy; I always spend Christmas holiday with my family and my grandparents don’t have a conection to the Internet so I haven’t been able to post anything.

Plus, last week I came back home but couldn’t update this blog because I caught the flu and I felt too sick to do some work. But now I’m totally recovered and to begin the year I bring you a review!!! yay!

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I’m sure it’s nothing new but I’ve just finished atching this serie and I’ madly in love with it. Everyone has been talking about it for a few months by now and some relatives told my boyfriend and I to watch it. The serie is based on a little american town; the time: wonderful 90s. The plot is focused on a group of four geek children who enjoy playing dungeons and dragons, Star Wars films and science (I must say I feel a bit identified with them since I enjoy almost the same things as them). But suddenly one of them goes missing, nobody knows where he is or has happened to him. The only thing you will know is that there’s some kind of terrific creature with blood thirst; it has something to do with the government and strange experiments.

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In case there’s someone who hasn’t watched it yet this is all I’m going to tell you since; in my opinion the brilliant thing about the serie is not knowing almost anything about the plot and keeping you with the intrigue. There are more characters of course and other secondary plots, but the essence of this show is this group of weird friends 😉

I enjoyed every minute since the first episode cause I love thrillers and creepy series. If you like this kind of subject trust me you’ll love this one. It’s a master piece of science fiction, a trepidant plot, full of adventures that will leave you breathless and  unforgetable characters you will fall in love with immediately.

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My favourite character is Dustin (aka toothless). The way he sees everything and how he relates almost everything with star wars made me feel so fond of him. Plus he hates arguments and it seems to me that he’s the one who always keep is head cold; and he is really funny as well.

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Let me know who’s your favourite character or the best moment of the series. I can’t wait for season two, and you?

Here’s the trailer to those of you who haven’t watched it yet. Stranger Things

It’s that time of the year

Less than 10 days for Christmas to begin. Every city is full of activity, people shopping, the shops decorated with delicate lights or full of christmasy colours. And of course the carols; you can hear them everywhere you go: from the shopping centres to the squares of the streets or just people singing them on the streets as they walk along with friends.

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Kids are excited, they want so many toys and are happy because Christmas means holiday. Writing down the list of presents and visiting Santa’s little helper. They love visiting the markets, wearing wigs of all shapes and colours, buying angel figurines and decorating home with mistletoe, bells, the nativity scene, holly, and the Christmas tree.

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That’s what I enjoy most on Christmas: decorating the Christmas tree and our home. Buying new stuff or simply bringing out the boxes which contain all this stuff. We don’t have a fireplace at home but I would love to. It’s funny when I think about it but I enjoy much more the decoration and carols from english tradition than the ones from Spain. Of course we love our own traditions but the way the english celebrate it has something quite special.

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In Spain we don’t use Christmas socks. Usually what we do is placing at home some nativity scene, as I show you down here. In general, here in Spain people follow a more religious style (though I have to say that’s changing as years go by).

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But what would be Christmas without fmaily? That’s the real meaning of it: get together with all the family. It’s the Christmas Spirit. The never ending meals with everyone around the table, preparing the food, the drinks and the sweets. Spain has a lot of variety. For example in my case my family comes from Castilla y León and Christmas meals consist of seafood as starters, roasted lamb (is not lamb; in fact is lechazo, the young lamb, which has a really different taste) as the main dish, and the desserts: nougat, nuts, “polvorones” (that’s a tipical Spanish Christmas sweet) and marzipan.

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Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May all your wishes come true!!

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Disapointing Evening

It seems that today sleep isn’t  coming to me so I’ll write another post.

A couple of weeks ago, I was noticed by an institution for young people that I got 2  free tickets to visit an exhibition in a very famous spanish art gallery. I chose the one from a very famous artist whose paintings I saw some years ago in other exhibition.

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At the begining I was excited but when we arrived there they told us we must go with a group and a guide; I don’t like going to museums on a guided tour cause in my opinion you can’t admire the art following your own rythm. The place was really crowded today and the guide we had wasn’t wonderful; in fact, she didn’t explain very interesting things and only showed us a few paintings.

Besides, the museum has brought only the portraits from the artists and they weren’t spectacular… As I said, I had the chance to visit other exhibition from this artist and the paintings showed by that time were more beautiful and from the style this artist is known (still life, landscapes and colorful scenes with bourgeois).

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After the poor visit, they told us that there was a kind of interactive activity. When I was a child, in this museum I made some art activities after the visits which consisted on making manual activities. But this time we had to share with the other people an intimate memorie. I’m a very shy person and telling me to share thoughts and projects with people I don’t know makes me anxious (I need to prepare myself and face the situation). So it seemed to me this was a kind of forcing us to make something without even asking if we wanted to; I began to feel extremely anxious, afraid and nervous all of a sudden.

My final decission has been to go out from there without making the activity. Today I wasn’t feeling very well and exposing me to this kind of situation which for me is horrible has only made my mood go worse. Luckily my boyfriend was with me, trying to cheer me up and after escaping from this activity we came back home and watched a serie.

I hope that your Saturday has been better than mine.

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Today I’m not feeling good. Writing this down means a great effort for me right now, but I feel that I need to show my feelings.

As I told you on a previous post some years agoo I suffered from anxiety; I also went through a depression and it was a very painfull situation. I’ve been now for 3 months looking for a job and it seems that no company wants to give any opportunity to just graduated people without a brilliant record. That makes me feel very sad because, as many other people, I spent 6 years of my life studying, working really hard, sleeping only a few hours everyday, staying up late in order to pass my exams, having laboratories in the late evening, without going out with friends on the weekend because of course we had to study or write infinite essays. That has been my life for the last 6 years.

Last year it seemed to me that I was getting over my anxiety and depression, and began to feel happy even when things weren’t going as I expected.

And sometimes my parents doesn’t help me. I know they want the best for me, but the only solution they offer to me is preparing an opposition (I don’t know how it is called in other countries but in Spain if you want to work in a public institution with a permanent salary and an undefined contract you have to make a serie of exams called “Oposiciones”). I’m done with studying and preparing these exams is horrible, you have to continue studying a lot more than at College, present a few times cause it’s unusual to pass them the first time and right now that’s not what I want.

But they keep telling me the same thing, try it. I don’t know how to make them see that at this moment that’s not the way I want to make things; I’m sad almost all the time, when I’m with other people I don’t show it, I might seem  a happy person but it isn’t the truth. The truth is that I am sad, and I feel anxious and desperate. Telling a person suffering from anxiety and depression to calm down doesn’t help them. It only makes you feel angry because it seems you don’t have the right to feel like that.

So today I made a ridiculous thing, my parents were crying and worried, but now they don’t want to talk to me. These makes me feel sadder than ever, and I can’t stop crying.

I hope this will never happen to you cause it’s really painful.


October Top 5

As promised here you have another post! This one is about my favorite stuff of October, so let’s go with it.

To begin with I’ll start with two makeup products. One product that I recomend you to use for everyday is a BB cream; they act both as a hydrating cream and as makeup. Applying it will keep your skin healthy and you can cover little imperfections. In my case, I’ve been using the intense classic balm BB cream by Skin 79. The bad thing about it it’s that it has a very white tone and my skin tone it’s a bit darker. This is a problem that I usually have with Skin 79 BB creams as it’s a korean brand and korean girls have a really pale skin.

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The second makeup product I’m so in love with it’s the Naked Basics eye palette by Urban Decay. It’s true that it is a bit expensive but trust me when I say that it’s worth the money. These shades are nude tones and you can use them for your everyday routine. Besides, they give you a really natural look as if you weren’t wearing your makeup on.

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Number 3: a film. It’s a very old film but it’s really funny and if you’re studying at University you’ll love it so much. It’s called “Animal House” and the film is about the story of a fraternity. They enjoy everyday at College, make crazy parties, drink a lot and challenge almost everyday their dean. Here I leave you a link in case you want to have a quick look of the plot. animal house trailer

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October’s number 4: this one is a book. I’m not sure if I have mentioned it on previous posts but for 4 years I suffered from stress. It was a very hard period for me since it became a very important problem in my life; I didn’t know how to deal with it. Thanks to my boyfriend I decided to visit a psycologist and he taught me how to control myself and enjoy life. Well, I should say that he listened to me, gave me some piece of advice and recommended me some books to learn by myself what was wrong with me. The best book I had to read (and that I ocntinue reading cause it’s a dense lecture) it’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. In my opinion it’s a very good book not only for people with problems like me but for everyone interested on learning new skills (such as how to organise your time).

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And finally number 5: walking with my friends in the mornings to train our legs!

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See you on the next post! Let me know if you enjoyed this section and leave a like!


Trying to get a job

It’s been quite a long time since I wrote my last post. I’m so sorry guys but I’ve been busy.

This is something that I want to tell you and maybe some of you are in the same situtation. Last july I finished my Master degree and since September I’m looking for a job related with my studies (which are Chemistry and a Master on Drug discovery).

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Unfortunately, though I apply for lots of offers (and not only in my hometown but in other cities as well) I haven’t had an interview in all this time. You may say now “but you’ve been applying only for 2 months, that’s a very short period of time” and I know that. But I’m not used to having nothing to do except cleaning at home, washing the dishes and all that stuff. It’s being quite hard for me and I try not to get depressed every time that I see one of my applications has been denied.

Anyway, what I want to share with you is a piece of advice or at least what I do in order to keep a good humour throughout the days.It’s important that you start a new routine, keep moving your body and getting away all the laziness.

First thing I do is setting my alarm clock as if I had to go to work; this is a good way to maintain the habit of getting up early so when you go back to work it won’t be that hard.

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Second: doing household activities. This will focus your mind and you can enjoy it by listening to music while you do it.

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And third: use the spare time you have to enjoy some activities you love and that you can’t normally do when you have a job. In my case, I go to the gym; one year ago I signed up to Pilates and I enjoyed it so much. When I was in high school I used to play volleyball but when I started University I didn’t have time to practise any sport; with Pilates I remembered how much I enjoyed physical work and in July I signed up another class (tonification). Since then, I go to the gym twice a week and each day I practise 2 hours (1 h of pilates and after that 1 h of tonification).

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I don’t need the gym for physical reasons but for psycological. It helps you so much to deal with stress and by night you get to sleep much better.

Anyway, you can do other things as well. For example other days I go for a walk with some friends, read a book or watch films/series. And of course I try to write on this blog.

To finish I hope all these things might help you and I’ll try to write another post to compensate the past weeks without having written anything. 🙂

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